When I decided to make my first Be Bold, Go Gold video it was to support a good friend and her passion for The Ronan Thompson Foundation and childhood cancer awareness. My outlook has always been, if we can’t count on our closest friends and family to support us, then how can we expect to count on anyone else. As I began researching more about childhood cancer statistics and facts, my own passion for the cause began to grow. This, and these three other reasons are why I decided to “Go Gold” again, and this time in public.
1. It is changing my outlook on life.
If this experience has taught me one thing, it is to let go of the little things, while at the same time holding on to the simple moments in life.
I wish I could have recorded my husband’s face when he first saw all the gold glitter that covered our hardwood floor and area rug as I was making our gold tutus. I know he was biting his tongue from protesting too much. I used to hate glitter too. It’s annoying as all f***. But it didn’t matter this time. Because kids are dying of cancer. Mothers and fathers are being taken away from their children. The ones we love are leaving us too soon. When I thought about it this way, the glitter all over was a minuscule problem, and I even started to welcome it. There are still remnants all around our apartment, as well as my parent’s house. I love that it is a constant reminder to stop sweating the small stuff.
And it’s working! The other night Tyson was working late at the Ranger’s game, which meant it was just Qwynn and I for dinner. I made her mac n’ cheese, one of my favorite meals as a kid. We had a great conversation about her day at school, and I relished in the fact that she is at the age now that we can actually have these dinner talks. As I started cleaning up my plate, I noticed Qwynn was putting the last few noodles on each prong of her fork. As I looked at her messy, cheese covered hands, my first instinct was to tell her to stop playing with her food and finish eating her dinner. But I resisted.
I held back because my own memory of doing the same exact thing when I was little came flooding to the front of my mind. I thought, what’s the big deal? So she’s playing with her food and getting a little messy. At least she is here. She is alive and able to explore this wonderful world around her. That is what is important. It was then she noticed me watching her and she held her fork up and said “Look Mommy!” She was so proud of herself, and in that moment I felt proud and blessed to be her mom.
2. I had the opportunity to attend the Bloomingdales Runway Heroes Fashion Show.
The Bloomingdales Runway Heroes Fashion Show was only about 15 minutes long, but it was one of the most emotional 15 minutes I have had in my life. As I watched all these brave kids strutting their stuff on the runway, the feeling of compassion was so strong inside me. The hardest part was watching the first few kids come out being held by their parents. It instantly brought tears to my eyes. On the outside, they looked like completely normal moms and dads with their children. But I knew they weren’t. I knew that they were dealing with something no parent or child should have to endure and it was honestly heartbreaking.
I just couldn’t help but think…that child could be one of my many nieces or nephews. That child could be any one of the children I take care of everyday at work. That child could be one of the countless kids I see walking through the streets of New York City. And the saddest realization of all, that child could be my precious and beautiful Qwynn Jolee.
Halfway through the fashion show Tyson texted me this picture and message and I just lost it inside.
This horrible thing, childhood cancer, could become any one of our realities at any moment, without any warning. When I began to think about it this way, I just couldn’t stand back and watch. I HAD to do something else.
3. I wanted and felt the need to do more.
I was really proud of my first video and felt truly blessed that I got to share the experience with my sister, nieces and daughter. But even after getting so much positive feedback for it, I still felt like I could’ve done more. I felt that I could’ve tried harder to reach more people. I started brainstorming ideas and began building the courage to go out in public and talk to people about childhood cancer awareness.
At first, I didn’t even consider doing it by myself. I wanted my friend Emily to help me with my idea, but the timing just wasn’t working out. I wanted to do something now! But how could I do it by myself? It couldn’t be possible.
But it was.
It was very possible. It was possible because of my supportive husband and fun-loving and courageous daughter. It was possible because I couldn’t stop thinking about all those kids whose lives were cut short. All those moms who don’t get to dance and be silly and laugh with their little ones anymore. It is possible because I would want people to do the same for me if it were my daughter.
It is possible because if we don’t speak up and do something for each others’ kids, then the horrible reality of childhood cancer is never going to change. It needs to change and we can all do something to help.
Be Bold and Stay Gold!